She cracks me up…this is the conversation. Fairy: Ms. Cafrine, can I put some grease in your hair pleaseeeeeee? (As she has both hands slippery with hair grease) Me: mmmmmm, just ONE time! (Which ended up being multiple times) This is just the beginning of Girls Night!
I love this picture. I was having a personal photoshoot when I saw her little face staring at me. So, I started making faces and she mirrored back each one. So, yes..there are like 5 total goofy pics! She has such the personality. It’s amazing after 8 months, the changes I’ve seen in her and myself. It is just us two. Lord knows I will be one sad Mama Llama when she moves on. The plan is not officially severance yet as there may be family placement. I’m thinking maybe 5 more months, (this is just for my own estimate) Until then, picnics….strolls in the parks, bubbles, movie ice cream nights, popcorn and lots of love. Oh, and creating her lifebook!
A more detailed post to follow…to be brief, Blessing is not moving with her sibling anytime soon due to space. Of course, I was the last one to know AND learned of it after telling Blessing! My plan was to introduce it to her and go from there..she didn’t know how to express her feelings. She had behaviors the rest of the night. Her poor little heart could have been spared by ONE simple phone call or email from the caseworker. I shared all this with her with the hope that she’d see the bigger picture when there’s a lapse in communication.
I will be one sad mama llama when she leaves. What a way to love and care like a mom and then watch it be cut off like a stranger. My heart isn’t built for this, but God…..God will comfort and give peace. I pray for all us foster mamas and daddies especially us single ones as we go through these transitions. We will pull through and get back on board, there are to many relying on us to not.
Yes………countdown time. I met with Blessing’s social worker today and the plan is close to changing from reunification. Blessing will be moving with her sibling at another foster home in about 1.5 months! I am genuinely happy for her and her sibling. I have never been on board with separating siblings but I understand the reality of it all. I’ve been a first time foster mama for going on 7 months now. My stinky fairy has grown taller, got a little fuller, mostly uses the potty, she smiles often, laughs loudly, claps and dances arounds, loves to look in the mirror, loves to read her Llama Llama Red Pajama…I literally could go on. I will miss her little self and the bond that we formed in our family of two. I have accomplished many things in life…seeing her change has been the most rewarding.
SIDENOTE: I believe it was in January that I placed Tigger (my cat) in a no kill animal shelter. He was nice to Blessing but literally would urinate (mark) on her toys, jacket, spot on the couch that she normally sits….if you get my drift. Clothes have been trashed and I’m hanging on to my (brand new) leather couch to get the stench out. I suppose, I should change the name of my blog now? I do miss him but it is nice to be able to live in my house and not around my animal.
To say I have mixed feelings would be an understatement. The caseworker asked me my thoughts on adoption of Blessing if the situation arised, I told her I was leaning more towards “No”. This was after her prying me away from my very safe answers that weren’t either a yes or no. It hurt for me to say it. I understand the responsibility that comes with a child in a whole different light now. There is a difference between understanding and experiencing!! It brings a whole lot to surface especially with not being a mom prior. My heart and mind are in different books. I pray that I won’t have to make this decision. What an experience love is…
I can’t believe how fast time has flown by!! I have been a foster mom for 5 months now. It has been ugly, draining, overwhelming and beautiful, inspiring and edifying all at the same time. It has showed me Catherine. The idiosyncrasies in myself that I had not seen or realized. I did something I haven’t accomplished in years, I fell in love. I have truly fallen in love with my sweet stinky fairy. It is not the type of love that would prevent me from allowing her to move on to adopted home (if decided). It is a love that creates an enviroment where she can sing loudly, laugh until her tummy hurts and run around the house with her crown and princess dress- HAPPY and SAFE. She pulls on my nerves and all the strings of my heart. I spoke the name “Blessing” for the child I would receive in my home. I am grateful that God gave me grace and strength to go through those beginning storms to get to this place now. I am grateful that God says there is nothing to hard for Him, that I must decrease, so He may increase, that His strenght is made perfect in my weakness. Can I tell you guys, that I am grateful?
I am grateful that He would not allow me to give up when I was working as a nurse without sleep. I am grateful that He gave me spiritual coverage so that I was safe at work and still able to return and care for her. I am truly grateful, Lord. I am grateful that He fills my cup when I feel empty from giving. I am grateful that He revealed to me His purpose to have her under His fold. I am grateful that He blesses me for my obedience. I am grateful, Lord. Lord, this is my love letter to You.