Sasha * insert a light flooding my heart*
She came with her mother to spend the weekend with me a few months ago. We sang Disney songs, talked and played this Pie in the Face game. It was everything to my heart to have her crawl next to me in the morning and just cuddle and talk. We hadn’t skipped a beat.
Listen to this story though…
I was talking to Little Miss a few weeks prior (to their visit) on the phone and she asked me ” Ms. Catherine, do you have someone who likes you..like me?” I explained to her that I had met people who liked me but she wasn’t convinced lol. She knew that I was living in a new city by myself.
Fast forward to her spending the night: She said grace over the food and in her grace…I kid you not…she asked, ” Please let Ms. Catherine love and feel loved”.
I realized in that sweet moment, that she was “worried” about me being/feeling alone…so much so that she prayed on my behalf.
Of all the prayers and tears I spoke and shed over her little life, it is a moment that will stick with me forever.
I feel…when you don’t adopt, there is no proof of the space that occupies your heart. My days come and go with her in my thoughts and in my heart. I do not take any picture, note, telephone call, voicemail or gift from her for granted. I know that it is a choice to allow me in their lives. Every time we visit, I tell them the same message…if it’s in the best interest of Sasha, we will break contact and my only request is for her annual school pictures.
I would be lying to deny the anxiety that comes when my texts go unanswered over weeks.
But she is my Christmas morning and I will take the anxiety if it means still having a piece of her.