32 Days to 32 - A Reflection Series

27 Days to 32- A Reflection Series

Love lost


Mount Lemmon, Arizona


A woman met a wonderful smellin’ man for a date at Olive Garden after work. They talked…laughed and quickly set up a time to meet again. She was new to town and finishing graduate school. He had lived in America for enough time to obtain citizenship on his own. However, he hadn’t explored the town. They decided to be “tourists” together and created a list of places to visit. He was single but had 3 children in another country living with their mother. He never hesitated when he denied being married or engaged to the woman. They had had children but no love was there he would explain. He shared how his children would eventually move to America. The woman had her hesitations but after being invited to his church, meeting his Pastor and his cousin, she found peace in his words. Three months into their time together, it was clear their feelings had grown deep. However, he would not pursue a formal relationship. Despite them not being in a relationship, which she explained to the Pastor, she reluctantly accepted the Pastor’s request for her to take a small role in the church.

One Sunday the woman pushed the man to make a decision regarding their relationship. He told her he couldn’t be with her in a formal relationship because she would desire marriage. The two cried that night. He cried as hard and sometimes harder than the woman. It frustrated and confused her. She began to separate herself from the man. She also stopped attending the church. It was in this time that the man and woman realized they had fallen in love. The Pastor reached out to encourage her to return and not allow an individual to keep her from church. He told her how the man was not “ready at this time” to be in a relationship. This seemed odd to the woman that the Pastor could make such a confident statement. She asked him if the man was married. He said it was his belief that the man was married to his children’s mother in their home country.

The woman was in shock that the Pastor believed this and did not share it with her. She was heartbroken and depressed. She confronted the man who said the truth is that he is “betrothed” to her. It would damage the family name if he did otherwise. His and her family expected him to marry the woman. His children would not be successful in America without their mother and she can only come via their marriage. The man and woman’s love could not compete with the circumstances. She’s spent countless nights in tears ever since.


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