Adoptive Placement Transition

Heart Tears


I’m a nurse, so my days at work are full. I always called the daycare to check on my Stinky though. Now that she is gone, I still find myself glancing at the clock to see if it’s time for me to check on her. Then I remember. ..she’s not with me anymore. My ride to and from work has changed.  My “things to do when I get home” list has changed. The sound of my house has changed.  Everything feels. ….changed.  I’m trying to remember what did I do before I became a mom. What filled my time before I decided to take this journey? 
Tonight has been a tougher one. I haven’t fought my tears. I’ve just let my heart cry. I miss my Stinky Fairy.

I had loved my family, friends and a man…but never had experienced loving as a mother. Being a mother has made me more appreciative of love and the bonds that we create with one another. It has also taught me the dangers of holding on to love that is unhealthy and the space required to facilitate that for someone you love even if that someone is you.



5 thoughts on “Heart Tears

  1. I read this and it reminded me of the day I was traveling to my mom’s memorial service. We got to the airport and I pulled out my phone to call her and let her know we were on our way. The loss of your Stinky Fairy is just that – a loss. I am glad you recognize your need to grieve. Let those tears flow. ❤

  2. Prayers your way. My husband asked me (when our first case of foster babies were moved to kin-care) why I shut the door to their room, why I moved the pictures, why I cried. I said, “because I can, I should, and I will, because they are part of me, and I’ll never be the same. I’ll heal in some regard, some day, and things may change, but for now, I loved them, and I’m going to let myself experience the loss…because they meant that much to me.” Let the tears flow..

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s