Adoptive Placement Transition · Foster Care

Comforter

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My Stinky was crying in her sleep this morning which has been her usual since the second set of visits stopped. We’re lying in bed…in the calmest, sweetest moment. I look at her and MAN…if we could hear a heart break. I’ve been making small comments about her moving to a home with a mommy and daddy. This morning, amidst silent tears, I told her in the best and most honest way that she would not be living with me anymore. She didn’t seem phased but did keep saying, “But then I come back to your house, Ms. Cafrine?” It hurt past my heart to tell her NO.
In our time together, I’ve had to be clear that my role was a mommy to keep her safe, we could play and laugh together but I wasn’t her friend. I told her this morning that after she leaves, we can start to be friends and write letters. (I don’t know if the adoptive family will want any continued interaction.) I figured I shouldn’t make any promises until I have more information. Stinky says to me, “I know you always want me” and I told her that my heart always loves and wants her. She asked me if another child would be coming to my house. (Big question for a new 4 y/o!) I told her NO that she would be the only one. I asked for a hug because I was emotionally dying. I literally had to keep myself from breaking down in front of her. The lights were off so my emotional state remained secret. It’s been 17 months…what will I do.

My heart…..my heart. Lord, comfort me on this journey.

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8 thoughts on “Comforter

  1. I read this and my heart hurts with you. It brought tears to my eyes. I can only imagine what you’re going through and I pray for the Lord to comfort you and wrap His arms around you through this season. Always remember that you have blessed that child and they will always remember the love you gave them. You made a difference!

  2. Why did you decide not to adopt? I’ve been reading this blog for quite awhile now, but don’t recall you saying why … unless it was just a “go with your gut” kind of decision?

    And were you being honest when you told her you’re done fostering?

    If her pre-adoptive parents want to do what’s best for her, they WILL encourage those letters. ❤

    1. Hi there! My blog called, knowing in part, gives a detailed run down. I’ve had a rough year and after a certain incident, I broke.

      I am so disappointed in this system. It will be years plus before I even consider it. I’m also moving out of state in the summer.
      Thank you for following!

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