So…the investigator was very professional and nice. The meeting was fairly short. The specific allegation against me was “minor”. I was….what’s the word…SPEECHLESS. I mean…truly in a “she did what?????” state of mind. They can’t tell me who made the report but as I said…because of the nature of it,..it was a no brainer. The investigator did say that some foster families deal with this frequently from bio families. I reallllly hope this is not our case. I was so blessed that my friend came by to support me with her presence last night. I had told her NO and gave the spill about me being able to go through it alone. She wasn’t hearing it and reminded me that just because I CAN, doesn’t mean I SHOULD. She forced me to accept the support! It sounds so silly when I reflect on it.
I am always the 1st in line to help another. However, when it comes to me, you’d think I was untouchable! Why is it so hard for me to allow someone to do “extra” on my behalf? What’s wrong with ME being helped? I thank God that my friend pushed back and walked ALL over my NO! I easily would have missed out on my blessing and a lesson.
Lately, life (2013) has been overwhelming, more bad than good it seems. More confusing, less peace. More frowns than smiles. Similar to my friend, God is saying to me, “You were never meant to do this alone! I never said for you to figure it out or take shot gun! Stop!! Your well (of strength, love, joy, peace and etc) depletes but Mine is everlasting.” In the biggest way, God is calling me to BE STILL. It is such a struggle!! It’s affected my career, grad school desires, relationships, church roles, this foster care case and my desires to move cross country! God has made it *crystal* that I am to be still in every area of my life. People, I am slowly understanding this phase. It takes big faith to stay on the path when He seems silent.
There is a “dependency” in being still. Exactly what I’m needing to embrace.