Foster Care

His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me

“For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show himself strong in the behalf of them whose heart is perfect toward him….”          2 Chronicles 16:9

On Friday afternoon,  I received a phone call for placement of a 2yr old girl. I told them I would not be off work until 8pm…this wasn’t an issue for them. Following a call from her case worker, it was arranged for me to pick her up from their office (which was 5 minutes away) after work. I would be dealing with the CPS After Hours.  FAST FORWARD. I’m sitting in the car..waiting what seems like forever. A police officer and a few workers bring “Blessing” to my car. It was literally a quick “This is Ms. ******” and before I knew it she was buckled in with her belongings in the vehicle. I received my notice to provider, asked a few questions and then they were gone!  I was somewhat shocked that they didn’t need to see identification…granted, I had my work badge on…but it was dark. The ride home was uneventful. We toured the house and played with Tigger. I had to work the next day so by 10pm…I’m setting up for us to go to bed.

WELL………..

She was not a fan of me taking her bath (expected)…..She then began to ask for her mother in which I explained, “Mommy is sick right now. So, Ms. *** is going to take care of you until she feels better”.  Blessing was unconsolable…unable to be redirected. She literally screamed and screamed at the very top of her lungs for her mommy. If I tried to comfort her, she would cry harder. FAST FORWARD. I got about 3 hrs of sleep that night and had  to work another 12hr shift on Saturday. I was able to get myself and her dressed and to my older sister’s house in good timing that next morning. Blessing woke up fine and allowed me to dress her and etc. She spent the day at my sister’s house. By this time, I am literally…EXHAUSTED. Blessing was sleep when I arrived back to her house.

AND THEN…

she woke up that night and saw that her mom/my sister was not near by . She began to cry at the very top of her lungs again. At the sight of my sister, she wants to be picked up and is immediately fine. My sister shared with me that she referred to me as “the monster”.  Can I tell you that my heart was heavier than my eyes? I could not sleep. The enemy immediately was there to kill, steal and destroy. In my mind, I had failed before I had even started!  I had spent very little time with Blessing due to work..so I did not expect roses….but I was not prepared for how our last two nights were spent. FAST FORWARD. I alerted a few women from church as I have multiple roles and decided that I would spend all Sunday and Monday with her. I am SO happy that I made that decision because today was much much…much..much…better. She is TWO….with all the glorious behaviors. It takes very little for her to go into full tantrum mode. We are working on bonding and establishing boundaries. (She frequently tries to play with the doors to outside). Her diet is a whole other issue, I get the impression it consisted mostly of junk food. One day at a time. My prayer is that God sees my heart and strengthens me when I feel far from victorious. I pray that the fruits of the Spirit are evident in me. I pray for His grace and direction. Pray for us also. n

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5 thoughts on “His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me

  1. I am praying for you and her too. I am happy to hear you got a placement. It will get easier she is definelty mourning her loss.

  2. Wow, your first! And that’s totally tough, age 2… I thank my lucky stars for a little infant… but for some reason she needs you, and has been sent into your life for a purpose. Hang in there, it gets easier week by week!

  3. Bedtime has always been the absolute hardest time for any of the kiddos I have fostered in my home. Even the sweeties that found nothing, and I mean nothing, else worth crying over. They always cry for mom or grandma or one time I had a little girl cry for her dog 😦 It gets better — so much better – you will hardly believe it 🙂 Prayers for you and for her little broken heart.

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