I AM. I embrace that fact in regards to my siblings (blood and adopted) and to my spiritual sisters and brothers. It’s unnerving to me that in a world overflowing with people, means of transportation and countless ways to communicate….we can STILL feel completely alone/unheard/forgotten. Children should not carry that burden of feeling lost in a huge world. For all that we have gained, I sometimes wonder if it was worth what we’ve lost.
My heart weeps when I hear about children sleeping in offices due to the lack of foster homes. I won’t even go researching the number of teenagers that “age out” the system at 18. Can you imagine being removed from your home at 12 yrs old or older? That’s not all…due to your age- you are socially classified as “having more issues”
and all things bad/unwelcome. Think about the fortitude or resilience an older child must have to endure a life turned every way and still be able to smile, to choose to press on towards an unseen light in an endless tunnel. THIS has been my hugest obstacle as of yet with the decision to do foster care.
I originally had my heart set on a 16 year old… I will call “The One”. On paper, she seemed like a great fit for me. Throughout my PS-MAPPs training, I answered all scenarios with her in mind. I was completely at peace with my decision until I learned she had mental health diagnoses. As the classes and scenarios continued, I was forced to really look myself in the mirror. It wasn’t an AH HA moment but a reality check. Despite my huge heart and empty rooms, I am one person. My parents are willing and able to be a resource for me ( adopted 6 + fostering 2). As a nurse, I work very long hours and will need that support. Planning is KEY. I imagined being at work, learning of an incident w/The One and not being able to leave work or reach my parents. What if she decided to run away/ cause issues with the other children or my cousins (who are teens)? It was much more plausible when it was only my house but when I consider the impact The One could have on my support, my family….I can’t stomach it! I am NOT saying those teens aren’t able to have a good placement. I made the best informed decision for me and my family.
The guilt that I felt initially was so heavy. I felt like I had abandoned her! I had to spend time in prayer to release myself of it. There wasn’t a Plan B so I didn’t know which age to focus on then. I spoke with my parents and two women from different foster care agencies. It took me about a month to decide the age group! I’ve decided 3-5 years old and only one child. I am now looking for a small bed and etc because of the huge age difference. I know that all things will work together. I applaud all the single bio parents/single foster parents who are able to care for multiple children! This woman will stick with the one!
Side note: I’m slightly nervous about getting a little one.
Give generously to him and do so without a grudging heart; then because of this the LORD your God will bless you in all your work and in everything you put your hand to. Deut 15:10